It's a cold and snowy entry into 2022, however, the creation of a new canvas for the future has created an unfamiliar warmth that feeds my soul and gives me a purpose far beyond my wildest dreams. This clean slate was not created through New Year's resolution with unrealistic expectation. It was created through undoing and detachment which started roughly 2 years ago.
Detachment from the former version of myself. The person who's canvas was scrambled and chaotic, trying to meet the expectations of others through perfection with inevitable failure on the horizon.
How could I ever expect to find my personal version of success with so much blocking my ability to find excitement through creation? How could I ever find true, raw, un-hazed, unrestricted emotional connection and love in my life if I didn't love myself? How could I have faith in my ability to impact others without being an expert, only having personal experiences? I couldn't, because I didn't understand the importance of the clean slate of authenticity. I was dying inside and I wanted to LIVE.
By wiping that slate clean, I was able to heal the wounds of my past personally and professionally, smashing through the subconscious blocks that restricted my ability to create while destroying limiting beliefs in the process. It closed doors that needed to be closed and opened others that needed to be opened. It gave me the ability to recognize when the inner saboteur was trying to block my path to greatness. Now I flick that switch and take leaps in the right direction instead of taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. I was doing it for most of my life, but not now.
You may be thinking... Did he find god? Did a rock fall out of the sky and hit him on the head? Did he have a sudden revelation from a near death experience? No, my faith is not derived from religious or political ideology. It's far more simple than that.
The needle moved when my father passed away. I was sitting in a beautiful restaurant in Bali, Indonesia when I heard the news. I was dealing with a recent breakup, I had a dislocated toe and Covid was closing in with tourists evacuating all around me. I was alone halfway across the world as I sat in a bar with monsoon rains falling outside and tears hitting the floor. I had such a deep desire to make my father proud. If it wasn't for my family, I wouldn't have been there in the first place, but now the glue that held my family together released. The umbrella that gave me shelter tore apart and the rain continued to fall. I knew in my heart that my life would never be the same.
I had to walk in the rain on my own. Nobody was going to do it for me and although I knew my struggles were far from over, I had to find my purpose. What value did I have to provide to this world? I could barely figure myself out at that time. Hell, I didn't even know how I was going to get home! The whole world was closing in around me. Manila had shut down and my only choice was to fly through Sydney, Australia, then to LA, and eventually Vancouver with a 4 hour drive to Kelowna. It would take me 34 hours of flying just to get back to Canada. I was one of the last people to get back before the borders shut down and while I was gone, insanity seemed to have taken hold at home
I came back to chaos, fear and isolation, however, I still tried to hold on to the former version of myself, inviting the chaos to continue because it was just so comfortable. Sometimes old habits are hard to break, but eventually, they need to be broken. I needed to let go. The road to greatness was a lonely one, but I had to walk it. To find clarity through the chaos. I needed to have a clean slate to find my authentic self. That person I was never willing to introduce to the world.
Then I woke up and suddenly I chose to take uncomfortable action, willing and able to do whatever it took to serve a higher purpose far beyond my own personal, momentary satisfaction. I realized that almost everything I had ever done was being restricted. The greatness that I had was being filtered out from the perspective I had of myself. I wasn't living my truth and due to that, I was attracting more chaos into my life.
With a clean slate, I continued to walk the road alone, but while I walked, I put in my headset. I didn't listen to music most of the time. My desire to learn from others consumed me and my addiction to growing began. I had so much time to make up for, but I, like so many others had nothing but time on my hands. This learning was and is something that can never be taken away from me. Introspection saved me from my former self. The person who would self sabotage with a subconscious fear of success, constantly blaming others for his own misgivings.
Being accountable for the actions of my former life liberated me, helping heal personal and professional wounds that I believed were beyond repair. As the weight gradually lifted off my shoulders, my belief in my purpose strengthened. The bumps in my road began to smooth out and my destination started to come into view. I could see it clearly because I had no distraction, due to my detachment.
Through reflection of my past, I was able to forgive others that caused me pain, but most importantly, I was able to forgive myself for what I had done. My intent was never to hurt anyone, but I did. My intent was never to hurt myself, but I did. My intent was never to be selfish, but I was. My intent was never to be egotistical, but my ego got the best of me.
Humility humbled me and I am grateful for the pain. Introspection and authenticity gave me the ability to speak my truth, creating barriers where they needed to be created while breaking barriers that needed to be broken. We can never get time back, but unfortunately, most of us tend to waste it, waiting for something to come along to fulfill us. It just doesn't work that way.
Even when you build it, that does not guarantee that anyone will come. But does that really matter? What if you build yourself from that clean slate without expectation? What if the picture that you paint from that clean canvas is your most beautiful and purposeful creation? How satisfying would it be to create your life without chaos, liberated from your former life? That life covered in layers of lack, self-doubt and unworthiness. That life that put a filter on your greatness. That life that is temporary, but so is pain and discomfort.
Today is the day that many of us start our "New Years Resolutions". I challenge you to change Resolutions to Revelations. To reveal the things about yourself that are hard to face. The things that scare you based on what others may think. The things that hold you back from living by your authenticity.
Is it easy? No... It's difficult. You may be thinking, "Ya Corey, easier said than done."
Well, everything is easier said than done.
Take It Off! Remove the layers and shine.
Paint your picture, not someone else's. Pursue your dream instead of being paid off to fund someone else's. You have one life to live and it all starts with one.
I am unique. I have value. I am worthy. You are unique. You have value. You are worthy.
Corey Laine Hilton
Author and Introspective Influencer
***If this blog post resonated with you, leave a comment and let me know how you can relate. We all have layers that need to be removed. We all struggle with mental health to a certain extent, but you are not alone. I see you.***